parasitegirl: (Default)

Galeta Tower show.

Kyria and I, upon getting to our apartment, quickly showered and got ready.

I should say a few things about our toilet.

Read more... )

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

As promised, ISTANBUL!

August 7th, Tuesday:

Kyria and I both slept until 10ish. We were in need of a nice sleep. We quietly ate our morning yogurt and granola. Kyria apologized for trying to steer our beds the first night. I told her not to worry about it.

We sent some emails trying to figure out if we had connections to get a nice, discounted, price on a nightclub show. If we couldn’t, Kyria would go and pay whatever and I would skip it, having seen three nightclub shows for various prices my first trip to Istanbul. I reviewed my list of contacts and such. I wanted to make sure I could be a good lesson organizer.

As I’ve mentioned before, we were also in need of alone time. I’d spent my previous week with dancers and she’d been on a boat. The fact that we’d both sometimes need our personal space, and that we were more interested in studying dance than seeing ALL THE SITES this time, were things we’d each established before agreeing to travel/stay together.

The game plan was this:

We both go off, by ourselves, and do whatever we have to do in the morning/afternoon. Meet at Taxim Square a little before 5pm. Walk together to the location Ozlem Idilsu told us to call her from.

Until evening. )
parasitegirl: (Default)

My face is itchy from sweat, makeup, and three outside shows...but we had fun!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

It is about time we got to Istanbul!

Monday morning I awoke at Khalida’s place. I discovered that checking travel plans is easier when you’re well-rested and sober! Yay!

Granola, Yogurt, Coffee, Khalida, and Clean Clothing!

Khalida drove me to the airport. Hugs. Thanks!

Before customs I bought a new black wrap at an H&M. I hadn’t packed anything sweater or jacket-like for Germany/Belgium and on one day Fifi lent me a sweater out of pity. I wanted something a little warm, but all-purpose, for the flight.

Passport control! Guess what? CDG Int (outside of Paris) never stamped the fact that I had entered Europe! Thanks CDG! People with machine guns and yelling at me in French weren’t enough to remind me why I hate you.

Guess what, German passport control is perfectly willing to believe that French people fucked things up! Thank you, nice man. F.Y.CDG.

Flight to Istanbul, uneventful. I did some sewing and sleeping.


I landed around 6ish in the evening.

Stood in line, bought my visa…stood in another line. “Did you get your visa?” Oh, hell yes I did…!” (flip flip flip, confirmed).

I’d been to CDG! Your puny attempts to make me stand in lines needlessly will not work on me!!

Out into the arrivals area, full of people holding signs to take people to places. I found my name, and the name-card holder placed a call. Shortly, my driver picked me and my HOT PINK LUGGAGES OF SERIOUS TRAVEL.

I was exhausted and little sick for being in a car. I sometimes get a bit sick from being in the backseat and…have you ever been in a vehicle in Istanbul? It’s best if you only look at the scenery. Do NOT look at the others cars and buses. You don’t want to see how close they are to you. You don’t want to know what is going on around you. Your air brake does NOTHING. NOOOOOOTHING!

I was happy to see that my apartment was where I thought it would be. My memory of the layout of Istanbul was correct. We were staying one minute from the Galeta tower. It was a bit difficult to maneuver the side street we were on, because a big Ramadan feast was being set up. There was a stage basically set up in front of the apartment blasting traditional folk music. It’s fucking awesome to have an apartment where the music you can hear from outside is music you’d want to hear.

A wiry, butch, lady (short hair, white tank top, baggy pants, a few tattoos and a bag demanding Gay and Lesbian rights) was at the apartment to greet me and help me carry my luggage up four flights of stairs. She collected the rent, gave me numbers I might need, and finished changing some light bulbs.

Then I was alone.

First things I did was to move the table a bit and separate the two single beds. I would be meeting Kyria for the first time and I didn’t want it to be too awkward! Two beds so cozy sent a certain message, namely:

“Hi! Yeah, our beds are pushed together and we share a common bedsheet…I’ve REALLLY enjoyed your posts lately…so…wanna spoon? I need to be spooned to sleep.”

Yeah. They gave us one big bed sheet for two beds.

I found a solution to this on the balcony, where a bunch of linens were hung to dry. YAY! A second sheet! I separated the beds, put a sheet on each of them, and was pleased with myself.

I went downstairs to the next-door store and bought myself some granola, cheese, yogurt, tomato and water and stuff.a

I put the bottles of water out, wrote my name on one and Kyria’s on the other. I carry a Sharpie/permanent marker to multi-dancer shows for this reason. I then took a shower and fell half-asleep onto my bed with an alarm to wake me up.

Kyria’s coming!

I told her just to ask to be taken to Galeta Tower and I’d meet her. Soon the apartment manager called me to tell me I’d given my friend the wrong address (it had been the address on the sheet he’d told me to refer to the night before…so I think it was his transcribing error that made it the address for another property he rents) so I tried to call Kyria. The connection was so bad that she thought I was from the rental company…

Eventually we found each other. She in her (Purple?) stretchy dress and me loudly-clothed in something vintage. We bought more food, navigated the busy street, and started to learn a little about how the keys in the apartment worked.

Unfamiliar locks can be tear-making.

We started some awkward getting to know each other as I made a quick dinner. We both know very personal things about each other, from LJ, but it was the first time we’d met met.

She is also writing about the trip, and worries that she won’t remember things right. K, it is subjective. You’ll remember it how you remember it and I will too and I’m not bothered if the two aren’t the same memories.

I think it would be fair to say that both of us were a bit worn-out on people levels. I’d just spent a week with groups of dancers at RAks and with Khalida and Kyria had been on a boat with a group of folks. We both seem to have limits to what our inner introverts can deal with, socially.

We went to bed. The living room air-conditioner was enough to cool the whole apartment with the help of an electric fan in the hallway, pointed at the bedroom.

And then we woke up.

This is where I hope I am not overstepping privacy. K, tell me if I am.

I have a history peppered with some sleep talking, but it’s tapered off in the last few years…so much as I know. I woke up a few times early on, as Kyria muttered in a second language, but I fell back asleep. I didn’t think it was worth mentioning (as, I have done similar things in my past).

I could not ignore her sitting up, in bed, putting a hand on my bed to alert me to something in the distance. She was rapidly talking to me in a language I didn’t understand…Dutch? I sat up, hoping this would give sleep K some sort of reassurance that I was taking her directions seriously. I may have murmured agreement out loud …because she eventually awoke and mumbled and apology. In the morning she explained that after a week of sailing, it had probably been a nighttime attempt to navigate our boat once she had determined the location the wind was coming from…the hall way…with the electric fan…

Coming up soon: Our Adventuresome Dancers get some private time, refresh, and start to dance. Trigger warning: upcoming posts acknowledge the existence of tambourines.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Aug. 14th, 2012 07:23 pm
parasitegirl: (Default)

I'm on a train back to my apartment. I've got weeks to write about.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

CDG Int in Paris can suck the biggest dead whale balls.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

Ok, now I am getting HELLA excited about my upcoming travels.

I’m trying to save money in this last month before I go. Last month was a killer with renewing my apartment lease (in which I had to pay twice my usual rent…and it was the first wave of local taxes AND Artemis week) which means I have been spending evenings making stuff from my stash. I can now go two work-weeks in a row without repeating a single homemade skirt. My big summer travel wardrobe plan is to make sure each of the skirt I pack has at least one simple un-printed t-shirt/top I can wear with it and a few good accessories that work with it all. The skirts are modest enough that I can travel anywhere in them and fun enough that I won’t feel like I have a travel uniform...although I totally do.

Also to kill time and money I’m cooking like crazy and am back to working out. I figure it behooves me to be in my best possible shape for travel as I will be taking 4 days of workshops in Belgium at RAKS BE and I want to focus on private lessons in Istanbul (and last time I walked so much in Istanbul my legs were shot by the time I got to lessons).

And as I said, I’l have had another round of blood tests and results before I travel to make sure my iron issues don’t add to my travel fatigue…and my shrink also promises Ambien for my flights and jet lag. Most OTC sleeping pills don’t work for me and I have difficulty falling asleep in a seated position.


In Belgium I’ll first stay with Khalida...(Khalida? Can you believe it? We meet at last ) and then, after rest, sight seeing and maybe some lessons…I head to a hotel for RAKS BE! And then I get to see and study from Artemisia (who I met in person a few years ago in Las Vegas AND Seatle) Elisa Gamal (who I know from my once once-yearly trips to Seattle) and Delanna (totally new to me) and do the RAKS stuff, including a hafla, with RAKS people and dancers.

Then it is off to Istanbul! This is the part I’m now working on.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

Ibaraki show report.

It was a good weekend, but I desperately want the conference room to empty of people using it so I can nap.

The week was busy (hair appointments, teaching dance, shrink visit, visiting my ex to get my apartment lease renewal forms signed) on top of costume and show prep. Friday night I bowed out of work-drinks and fell past asleep. The iron pills are working but sometimes I’m still just draiiiined. Saturday, after two classes, I fell asleep on the studio floor. Another teacher volunteered to teach the beginner beginner class and I took her up on

Sunday I packed everything and headed up to Mito in Ibaraki. It’s not a bad trip because I can catch a limited express with reserved seats at a nearby station…triple the ticket price but it cuts an hour off the ride, making it only a 65 minute trip.

The show was for Farasha’s workshops up there, sponsored by Megu Omshanti. Megu had seen me dance last year, liked what she saw, but had previously worried about the language barrier because she doesn’t speak English. This year we did the Karim Nagi show together and she enjoyed being back stage with me and realized the language issue wouldn’t be a problem…she contacted me soon after to ask me to dance.

The turnout wasn’t great, about 2/3rd what the place could easily hold, but Megu decided not to cancel because she really wanted to see the show and to make people in that area more aware of me, Farasha, and others to improve the chance of doing more workshops later on. She’s interested in having me teach Turkish style up there in the future and for me to participate in some northern festivals.

Megu and I had a nice meeting when I got there about all of this. It was one of those times when I realized that, yes, I can have discussions in Japanese that I used to fret over or stumble through.

Then Farasha and two of her students turned up. Farasha and I haven’t done a show together in ages, mostly we meet at workshops. It was amazing to see her. We talked on and off the whole time about our journey in dance and how far it is we’ve come and what’s going on with us and those we care about. We hugged often.

And I think she talked me into making her some halters.

We got to watch rehearsals. There was a Russian dancer, Elinga who runs Rose of Cairo studio in Mito. She was just stunning with her Modern Egyptian style and I loved the heck out of her students. She needs to be better known outside of Mito. Farasha was encouraging her to apply to the Tokyo International Bellydance Competition as a Pro and to get her students to also apply as “up-and-coming” or “beginners” Her students also included a GOOD male bellydancer: well costumed, great posture, modest, and solid technique and performance skills with amazing growth potential. I’ll admit, there are stunning male dancers out there but I sometimes grow tired of over-praised so-so or cringe-worthy male dancers.

I also got to see a range of fun Russian costumes I don’t usually get to see outside of pictures on Bhuz. I really wanted to simply grab a few and run….like her crazy orchid costume:

Farasha performed as beautifully as ever. Modern Egyptian, lovely veils, drum-solo with students and fusion with students and Megu (who is a fusion dancer who works heavily with fire, poi, crystal balls and such in a way I like.) Farasha joked about how infrequently people get to see, or even know of, her tribal fusion stuff anymore…she called it her rare “b-side”. We agreed that it’s like me busting out my Balkan cabaret stuff, which I think I’ve only done once this year.

Farasha’s students performed a Maleya Leif duet and then worked with her on a drumsolo and the fusion section.

Megu worked with fire, poi,and those crystal balls (trust me…it was artistic and entertaining and did not give me juggler/hippy scene flashbacks. I found it very calming.)

I performed two songs in Turkish Roma-inspired style and garb and then combed out my hair and changed into a Bella for some oriental-style with ZILLS ZILLS ZILLS…covering all my own bases on “what you might like to learn from me in the future.” I’m very happy that a student I’ve had in a Matsudo workshop was there…so even in Ibaraki, I get a few butts in seats

I feel great about the whole experience, although I wish we’d gotten some shots of us all in our first or second stage costumes because I’d like to have some in-action documentation of the 25 yard skirt I made and proof of the level of style transformation of me and Farasha between sets. I’ve got a few pictures I’ll post here later…the same few I have on FB, showing some lovely and happy ladies (and one guy).

Farasha, LUV HUH!

She said some very very very encouraging and nearly tear-inducing things to me about my growth as a dancer in the last few years.

I do wish we’d not been so knackered and could have stayed to drink and eat with Meg.

I came home and slept very very well.

Tonight is dedicated to cleaning house and cooking.

I have the week off from teaching dance so I can be fully prepared for the live show with Artemis on Saturday and well rested for her workshops. A few of my students will be attdneing the Saturday workshops and the show…which is also why there will be no Saturday classes…so we can all LEARN FROM ARTIE.

This week I have rehearsals with the band. The band leader is all calm because the number of seats we needed to fill got filled

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


May. 28th, 2012 12:30 pm
parasitegirl: (Default)

I'd type more but this is via my iPhone.

Suffice to say that getting my blood tested and being put on iron supplements was The Rightest Choice!

I'm nearly two weeks in and I feel human again. I am not in a constant state of lethargy all the time. I was not crazy or simply over-extending myself.


Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (landmine)

Thank you Free Japan mailing list.
The moderator replied to the dildo lady, thinking it dodgy. I replied saying it sounded like a practical joke or perv, but if she was earnest I sure as heck wouldn't want to get questionable, maybe used or flawed, sex toys at a bridal show.

And today someone simply posted:

"I would like to help but I have used all our sex toys"

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

Yup. MCHC levels are low! Bingo!
Waiting for my prescription

Everything else looks lovely. I do have lower than average triglyceride levels and lipoproteins but that seems to be good. Slightly higher than normal HDL levels, also good.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


May. 11th, 2012 01:20 pm
parasitegirl: (Default)

The good news is that tomorrow morning I go back to my doc for the results of all that damned blood they took.

Is it strange to hope that there is something lacking ( iron, vitamin d, what have you?) so that my general sense of exhaustion has a clear cause?

I know many people who opine that it's how busy I am...but even when I am slammed I eat well and get 8 hours of sleep.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

My brain capacity is trashed. I attended two workshops ( Elena Lentini) and a show this weekend. This means much train time and uneven eating. I tossed onto that pile a new hourlong work out DVD ( Bob Harper, something about core) so this morning, Monday,it hurt to move.

I planned to sneak off and take a work nap. I had my tiny pillow packed and everything.

Then the Ozma Hotline rang while at work. Bellydance Emergency!

Hiromi and I have been taking turns getting really sick this year. I had severe asthma/influenza A/the start of a bronchial infection. Soon after I recovered she got Type B and then pneumonia and other complications. So she was in no condition to attend a workshop she paid for today and couldn't find a replacement.

So, I took half a day of and went straight into Shinjuku at lunch. I bought dance practice wear and a flamenco fan on the way. No time to stop at the studio! White Rabbit for once! I'm late! I'm late!

There is stuff to be learned! Hiromi gave me the space in exchange for me teaching her anything I remember.

No nap, 3 more hours with Elena in an over-packed workshop instead.

I'm headed home, stopping to buy some groceries. Goodness knows if I'll even eat them. I might just fall asleep.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Mah blood

Apr. 14th, 2012 09:53 am
parasitegirl: (Default)

My doctor took 5 vials of my blood to do various tests ( iron, calcium, thyroid and more) as soon as I mentioned wanting it done/how active I am/ vegetarian status. No poo-pooing and no talk about how Japanese kids can't learn English... So I won't be dumping him yet.

Unfortunately due to his schedule and the week of holidays (golden week) I won't get results until May, but this is a step.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

Students….sometimes it feels like they snuck in when I wasn’t looking and I’ve just discovered them…like the pockets The Tick never knew he had.


Classes go more quickly when I have five or seven students where I used to have one.

I now have the mental scaffolding available to change smoothly when something isn’t working or when something works but it takes less time than I’d planned. I didn’t used to have that skill…I used to stumble…or admit that things hadn’t gone as planned, or apologize nervously, and that couldn’t have been a good thing. I know my earliest classes were a mess. I KNOW. That’s being human beyond what students want to see….students want to feel like they are being guided by a teacher who knows what they are doing. They need someone who is flexible but ultimately appears in control of the class.

It doesn’t mean I am a role model of authority… I’m not. I am eccentric but I am authoritatively eccentric. I own it. I do make zombie noises in the final stretches (we do a stretch that, when properly done…make us look a bit like zombies…Khalida, I think it’s on one of your DVDs. Think about if you can guess which one it is). I use my elementary school voice to get them to smile. We’re not even touching on how unique my Japanese is. “Face! Don’t forget! USE!!!”

If you are a reader who knows me well “in person”…I use my arsenal of voices.

They see me in my street clothing after…which last night was described as “Like a crazy fairy. Colors you don’t think should work.” I did inform them that my color choices don’t seem strange…when I am surrounded by elementary school students.

They did sneak up on me. I’ll stick to that story. I think they even snuck up on Hiromi…who came to class yesterday and wondered if one of the new faces was from my Deseos classes and I said “Nope, I don’t know how this one found me or found the studio…but she’s been here for a month.”

When I started teaching Thursday lessons in January 2012, I usually had no one in Basics and two students in Oriental. I had no Zill class at all. Yesterday…BAM…6 students in Basics. Four in Oriental (classes with my choreography and improvisation sections tend to scare people a bit) and some of my basics students stayed and watched, with permission, because one of them will be taking the class next month (new choreography) and it gave us an “audience” for our last day of a choreo and feedback...and then it was back to six for Zills.

And yesterday Hiromi attended classes. She’s willing to translate for me when need be so I had the chance to explain, in more detail, why I drill movement combinations the way I do, like two or more movements with transitions instead of just drilling a single movement so that their body can learn transitions and they won’t get stuck in a move when they improvise and so on…or that I want them, when they enjoy a performance they’ve seen, to think about a specific of what they liked…so they can be inspired by it (which is one thing I am trying to train them in now that I make them give each other positive feedback.)…because part of being in control of the class can be explaining the method of your madness from time to time to show them that you do have structure…no matter how unstructured it might sometimes feel.. In my case, I want them to be able to take components of what/how I teach to build their own home-practice structure and to get the most out of going and seeing other performers.

The thing that I am feeling the most elated by…hands down…is the number of students who have commented that my students “look like they are having fun.”

I’m also pleased that my students seem to be getting along well and are forming friendships with each-other. I see them support each other, cheer each other on, and walk together, talking, to the trains after classes get out. My own peer support group of dancers I’ve learned next to and performed alongside, like Eshe, Anna, Hiromi, Joe, Farasha and more, have been invaluable to me and I hope they find some of that in each other. Seeing that also helps me keep my boundaries. I know how peers can help when the dance is frustrating at times but that my roll is to be their teacher and guide but not “that in-class friend.”

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Mar. 30th, 2012 09:17 am
parasitegirl: (Default)

Hey, in August I can take vacation time and travel. I'll of course want to combine seeing friends, meeting some of you, and dance.

Suggestions, please!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Mar. 23rd, 2012 11:30 am
parasitegirl: (Default)

Inspiration I can live with: Jillian Michaels, in a recent podcast, said that when faced with the choice of getting a workout in or getting more sleep, she’ll pick sleep. I’m very pro-sleep. I’ve been enjoying the regular sleep hours that not teaching in Tokyo brought me. On Tuesdays I go to Matsudo, take Joe’s Tribal Fusion class, and am asleep by 10/10:30. I know it goes without saying, but that is worlds better than getting home at 11:30 on Tuesday night and waking up at 6/6:30.

Didja know, didja know? Jillian is 37. I’m pretty sure that no amount of working out will make me look like that by the time I reach 37, because it’s less than a month away, but I can take pride in being in way better shape than I was…ever.

Enough with my Jillian obsession…. for now.

Recording my calories continues to go well. It has increased the amount of veggies I eat per day and confirmed that I have a massive sweet-tooth. I’ll also be bringing natto back into my morning foods because I may need more iron. I have some easy to see stress-eating habits…as much as I loved working with Mona I should find a way to avoid her mother’s heaping plates of Oreos, chips, chocolate-covered digestive biscuits and more. That is really the last thing that should be put next to me pre-show.

Talking calories and heart rate monitors and has brought me in contact with a different D from my past…one I enjoy hearing from. Drew! I should have realized that if “MyFitnessPal” tickled my inner geek (and my questioning geek) that I would not be alone in my geekhunt. HI, DREW! RUN, DREW… RUUUUUN! RUN LIKE JILLIAN MICHAELS IS AFTER YOU!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

parasitegirl: (Default)

A few weeks ago I heard from D. It was a very short email. He’d heard about our larger recent aftershocks and wanted to check if I was ok. I said that I was, and thanked him for his concern, and that was that.

I couldn’t not reply. If someone is worried about your physical safety I think it’s best to reassure them, no matter how you feel about them…but there was nothing more. I didn’t ask him how he was or say anything that might return us to the world of communication.

It’s the first time I’ve been in a “serious” relationship where I haven’t made any attempts at remaining in communication or trying to navigate the murky waters of “what sort of relationship/friendship do we have now?”

The emails I got right after it had all broken down…after the day of light texts…made me not want to engage in any discussion or new form of relationship.

It’s not that the issues that tripped us up were one-sided…they weren’t. There’s a whole lot of troubling takeaways for me to think about: I can’t hide my passive streak behind my extrovert image. Not asking probing questions isn’t always an asset, sometimes it’s just lazy or it comes from a fear of things I don’t want to address….and more. I gots some growing up to do.

I haven’t used my self-awareness to negotiate a new way of us relating…because I have never been able to imagine what could be gained from that. I would be unable to simply stop with what I’ve learned about myself…I’d also want to unload what I thought about his behaviors. I know what I make of his roll in all of our fail…but I have no interest in influencing what he takes away from it. If he ever asks for my opinions on what happened, that will be something I have to deal with…but this silence feels right.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Mar. 2nd, 2012 01:32 pm
parasitegirl: (Default)

I’m counting calories.

There. I said it.

I don’t want anyone to worry.

I haven’t counted calories since 1994/1995. I gained the freshman 15 in college. There’s very little mystery about how I did it. My
roommates and I had an apartment and I was a non-coffee-drinking
vegetarian who didn’t yet cook. I lived off Mac & Cheese, pizza, 2
liters of cherry coke (for all-nighters) and college drinking binges.

Sometime in my sophomore year I signed up at an aerobics club,
complete with getting time with a nutrionist and figuring out my body
fat and being taught how to count calories. That’s when I had to keep
a food log and I actually counted calories. Calorie counting was a
royal pain in the ass. Think about pre-widespread-internet calorie
counting. I had to rely on various books and the information on
packaged foods. This had to effect of making it easier, though not
healthier, to figure out one’s calories if one lived off packaged
foodstuff. It took more effort to calculate produce and things. I
could barely cook. Even if I could have, figuring out the calories of
a recipe, if not listed, was a royal pain in the ass.

I made some really disgusting low-calorie meals for myself. I assume I
got years worth of sodium from the canned soups, season-pack couscous
and other items I ate.

I lost weight, continued to work out, and eventually got a handle on
what was a reasonable food intake or middling quality foods. I weaned
myself to 2-3 colas a day (which I shudder to think of now) and
eventually embraced coffee. I started to cook for myself.

Between that weight loss and moving to Japan, my weight generally
fluctuated back and forth over a range of 10-15 pounds but nothing
drastic. My work-out schedule also fluctuated.

When I moved to Japan I put on those 15 and some pounds again, but
there was no way in hell I wanted to be counting calories. I couldn’t
get enough information for the foods I was encountering in
restaurants, I cooked often, and it was a pain in the ass. I
eventually started bellydancing and, since then, have slowly been
making changes in the quality of foods I eat and how I eat. My cooking
stills have increased tenfold. I still enjoy a variety of rich-quality

My body still shows fluctuations in the last 5 years but only within a
3-5 pound range. I know I eat well and am active. I am generally happy
with my body and impressed with what it can do…when I’m not in bed
with the flu or asthma.

So, why the fuck am I counting calories?

Well, it’s no secret that I got hooked on doing the Jillian Michaels
workouts after the earthquake. I did so to emotionally and physically
cope with the changes in my performance schedule and my life. I
overdid it at first but am, 10 months later, still making her workouts
part of my week. It stuck.

I find her to be a fascinating and polarizing figure.

I didn’t write about how, when I started to look into professional
help for my depression, I’d also downloaded her book, Unlimited, on
Audible. I don’t really recommend it, nor did I finish it, but when I
was taking the train to try out shrinks I found her shrill voice
telling me I could do anything if I tackled X,Y,and Z alarmingly
comforting. I also found it nice to think, sometimes, that she’s has
huge batshit-insane blindspots in her dogmatic way of thinking.

Since then I have become addicted to her podcast…which I also can’t
generally recommend but I find to be a guilty pleasure.

She spends a great deal of time yelling at people about calories in
and calories out. I realized I haven’t had any clue about my calories
in or out in a long time. I know my bad habits (mild stress-eating,
mindless snack and walks featuring convini foods that I forget about,
and the occasional one-night binge on a food I know I shouldn’t bring
home with me because I can’t be trusted alone with it) but I also know
that my physical lifestyle paired with my genetic lot in life are
compensating for these behaviors.

My mindless convini purchase and walks have increased since the last
time I tried to address them. I’ve recently been trying to cut
back…without much success…and that’s when Jillian got to me.

I looked at apps and got the free MyFitnessPal and figured I’d start
logging my calories and work-outs. It is worlds easier than last time
I did it.

I figure that I’ll get the following out of it:

An idea of what I eat…and the ability to compare that with what I think I eat.
A better idea on how I need to be changing my diet to help with my
busy schedule.
Help planning snacks for teaching evenings and days (where I usually
teach 3 classes in a row) so I am not too full to teach dance but not
feeling like OMG FATS NOW THANX after.

I’m not intending to lose weight. I want to eat better and to have a
more solid idea on when I should be eating more quality enjoyable
foods to decrease the combination of low blood-sugar/hunger that
encourages me to eat crap or adds to stress eating. I’m looking for
lunches that help me avoid a few eat and walks of candy in exchange
for a few more evenings where I kickback and I have my convini -ize
Hagendaaz seasonal flavors of ice cream after a good meal. I want more
food enjoyment and less “why the fuck did I eat that?”

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Feb. 26th, 2012 05:38 pm
parasitegirl: (Default)

Well, kiddos, starting late march I have an every Friday gig again. After 40 minutes of back and my price.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


parasitegirl: (Default)

October 2012

 1 23456
78 910111213
141516 17 181920
28 293031   


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 10:20 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios