I am no Jezebel.

[parasitegirl]

Two more people this week have suggested that I should remove all my make-up after gigs and “dress down”…for my safety.

Goddamnit.

Ya know what, my make-up and looks might make me a target. You know what else? Dressing down, removing all my make-up, making the attempt to deliberately cover my body more…that might also signal “passive, afraid, good target…won’t fight” and make me a target. I’m not saying “if I remove my make-up the terrorists and harassers have already won.” but I am saying “Removing my make-up doesn’t mean they don’t win or that I am safer, it just means I am more inconvenienced in what is already an unfair and frustrating situation “

I also feel that measures like washing all traces of make-up provide a sense of false security and may mean more effective ways of reducing risk are overlooked.

There is no magic look that makes women safe.

I try to adopt behaviors that reduce my risk: I don’t listen to my ipod as I walk home. I try to stay aware of my surroundings. I alter my route home sometimes. If I see suspicious behavior towards me I stop and get a GOOD look at it and am not afraid of offending with a negative reaction to potential untoward behavior or looking like a crazy bitch. I do what I can to stay safe and to keep things safe for other women. I am vocal. I tell. I talk. I share my experience. I endure annoying questions from police officers in order to reduce my future risk and to give other neighborhood women who may be targeted by this creep a better chance at justice.

I’m not going to scrub my face of make-up that is appropriate for outdoor wear just because it might make me look “too pretty”

...
Yeah, I also would like to be back to "see my pretty costumes/ stories of crazy children/ good writing" on this here blog.

Comments

[mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com]

Oh that's just nuts. Looking dowdy makes you a target too, duh. Plus it makes people less inclined to help you.

[amandasan.livejournal.com]

UGH! I'm sorry you're having to deal with this! As a white woman in Japan, you're just going to stand out. That doesn't mean that you should have to change your whole life just to try to avoid the notice of creeps.
UGH UGH UGH.
Keep your head up kid :)

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah....they are...well.

In the police/bosses section of this I've often felt like I'm the one in the room who is getting all the advice...but that I am also the one in the room who knows the MOST about precautions me and my fellow women should take to reduce risks.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

God how BLOODY ridiculous.

I imagine you stand out because a) you are a gaijin, albeit a small darkhaired one who might be mistaken for a Japanese out the corner of one's eye, but not for long and b) I imagine you have rather more assertive body language than is usual over there, NOT because I think Japanese women are all shrinking geikos but because you are a foreigner who has to work doubly hard to be understood and also, you're a tough broad at least externally.

Doesn't matter if you're wearing makeup or not. GAH. And I *know* you don't teeter down darkened streets in too-tight heels with your head down going "oh I hope no scary man is going to attack me". GAH GAH GAH.

My friend who JUST had a baby lived in Thailand for a while (her husband is Thai) and before they got together she briefly dated a lunatic who stalked her. The police were complete pigs about it, because after all she's white and she'd had him in her room... Foreign women get it in the neck in every country.

[alonewiththemoon]

Your approach is entirely appropriate (or at any rate, it's the one I feel appropriate in my context as well). Honestly, projecting confidence by being nicely dressed and made up can provide a measure of protection sometimes. If you're female, you're a potential target, period, no matter what you look like.

[counterword.livejournal.com]

You should make yourself so sexy that men simply pass out when you walk by. That would solve lots of problems.

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

It would certainly make dating more amusing.

exceptional quibbling

[(Anonymous)]

"There is no magic look that makes women safe."

if a woman looks like she would tear at your flesh and bath in your blood, that might make her safer. guess it depends.

Re: exceptional quibbling

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

Nope. Some folks go for that look, they like the challenge of bringing a strong one down.

No magic look.

Re: exceptional quibbling

[(Anonymous)]

allow me to be glad then for magic songs and dance.

i suspect there is magic in no magic, as there is mindfulness in no mind.

i cherish your obstinate worldly sense, but gerry said there are limits to principled stances (what good is being right, if you're dead right)...

do not inconvenience yourself, but avoid sexy swaying on your solo stroll home. i wonder if you wear your heels going home -- seems like taking a chance on injuring yourself some weary rainy night..

Re: exceptional quibbling

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

A purposeful walk showing confidence, even if there is some sway, is going to serve me better than any walk proclaiming "please don't notice me."

I always wear shoes I can walk in, and move quickly if need be, because I walk everywhere here. I do wear heels but I wear ones with sturdy wide bases to the heel, no stilettos. I don't take chances with my ankles.