![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Oct. 3rd, 2007
Wire mother: I come to you when I need you.
I wake up at 6:30.
In the summer the time varies. I push into the morning. 6:45...7...7:20 if I dash. Summer is over. From now on it is 6:30.
I wake and prepare my food. I sit down with the breakfast of the day and click on my full-spectrum light box and my computer. I have 30 minutes. I scan your journals, check the weather, make sure whatever NPR podcasts I subscribed to are updated and on my iPod. The full spectrum hits me. I can faintly see the apple icon through my laptop screen.
The darkness is coming.
Two weeks ago the signs appeared: dull pain in my limbs, tired at 3pm, starchy cravings, and the general unease that I was starting to sweat the little things disproportionally. S.A.D.
I unpacked the light box.
This is how it will be for a while. The light box and the excersize will take the edge off. I'll journal more because I need to, not just because I want to. I'll look back at prior months and wonder about patterns. Sometimes, I'll just cry.
I'm not frustrated about it like I've been in the past...but give me time. We're just starting up again.
But I notice that I don't feel weak, or like my chemestry betrays me, the way I used to. This is just how it is. The extra excersize and lightbox? It's nice to have physical things that off-set the way my body does and doesn't break things down in winter...why fight it or resent it? These things aren't great disrupters of my day. They're just there. To forego them and set my mind to "being vigilant against depression" would be foolish. I know it to be exhausting. I'm not wired like that. My willpower isn't enough. I shouldn't expect it to be.
Don't confuse my "it's the way I am" bit to mean that I'm complacent. I know that I must take on certain resposibilities if I am to keep battles with depression from hurting other people. This means that I do have to be aware, be willing to admit when I'm being out of line, and most of all to give people a heads up about what might be ahead and how to ask me questions if something seems off.
If you've read me for more than a year you know these things. We've got the SAD tag on this lj for a reason. It's all there. This post is minor.
Someday, I'll probably need to go on medication. The idea that at some points in my life the mental self-examinations and physical offsets won't be enough is increasingly real to me.
And so it is.
I wake up at 6:30.
In the summer the time varies. I push into the morning. 6:45...7...7:20 if I dash. Summer is over. From now on it is 6:30.
I wake and prepare my food. I sit down with the breakfast of the day and click on my full-spectrum light box and my computer. I have 30 minutes. I scan your journals, check the weather, make sure whatever NPR podcasts I subscribed to are updated and on my iPod. The full spectrum hits me. I can faintly see the apple icon through my laptop screen.
The darkness is coming.
Two weeks ago the signs appeared: dull pain in my limbs, tired at 3pm, starchy cravings, and the general unease that I was starting to sweat the little things disproportionally. S.A.D.
I unpacked the light box.
This is how it will be for a while. The light box and the excersize will take the edge off. I'll journal more because I need to, not just because I want to. I'll look back at prior months and wonder about patterns. Sometimes, I'll just cry.
I'm not frustrated about it like I've been in the past...but give me time. We're just starting up again.
But I notice that I don't feel weak, or like my chemestry betrays me, the way I used to. This is just how it is. The extra excersize and lightbox? It's nice to have physical things that off-set the way my body does and doesn't break things down in winter...why fight it or resent it? These things aren't great disrupters of my day. They're just there. To forego them and set my mind to "being vigilant against depression" would be foolish. I know it to be exhausting. I'm not wired like that. My willpower isn't enough. I shouldn't expect it to be.
Don't confuse my "it's the way I am" bit to mean that I'm complacent. I know that I must take on certain resposibilities if I am to keep battles with depression from hurting other people. This means that I do have to be aware, be willing to admit when I'm being out of line, and most of all to give people a heads up about what might be ahead and how to ask me questions if something seems off.
If you've read me for more than a year you know these things. We've got the SAD tag on this lj for a reason. It's all there. This post is minor.
Someday, I'll probably need to go on medication. The idea that at some points in my life the mental self-examinations and physical offsets won't be enough is increasingly real to me.
And so it is.
Wire mother: I come to you when I need you.
I wake up at 6:30.
In the summer the time varies. I push into the morning. 6:45...7...7:20 if I dash. Summer is over. From now on it is 6:30.
I wake and prepare my food. I sit down with the breakfast of the day and click on my full-spectrum light box and my computer. I have 30 minutes. I scan your journals, check the weather, make sure whatever NPR podcasts I subscribed to are updated and on my iPod. The full spectrum hits me. I can faintly see the apple icon through my laptop screen.
The darkness is coming.
Two weeks ago the signs appeared: dull pain in my limbs, tired at 3pm, starchy cravings, and the general unease that I was starting to sweat the little things disproportionally. S.A.D.
I unpacked the light box.
This is how it will be for a while. The light box and the excersize will take the edge off. I'll journal more because I need to, not just because I want to. I'll look back at prior months and wonder about patterns. Sometimes, I'll just cry.
I'm not frustrated about it like I've been in the past...but give me time. We're just starting up again.
But I notice that I don't feel weak, or like my chemestry betrays me, the way I used to. This is just how it is. The extra excersize and lightbox? It's nice to have physical things that off-set the way my body does and doesn't break things down in winter...why fight it or resent it? These things aren't great disrupters of my day. They're just there. To forego them and set my mind to "being vigilant against depression" would be foolish. I know it to be exhausting. I'm not wired like that. My willpower isn't enough. I shouldn't expect it to be.
Don't confuse my "it's the way I am" bit to mean that I'm complacent. I know that I must take on certain resposibilities if I am to keep battles with depression from hurting other people. This means that I do have to be aware, be willing to admit when I'm being out of line, and most of all to give people a heads up about what might be ahead and how to ask me questions if something seems off.
If you've read me for more than a year you know these things. We've got the SAD tag on this lj for a reason. It's all there. This post is minor.
Someday, I'll probably need to go on medication. The idea that at some points in my life the mental self-examinations and physical offsets won't be enough is increasingly real to me.
And so it is.
I wake up at 6:30.
In the summer the time varies. I push into the morning. 6:45...7...7:20 if I dash. Summer is over. From now on it is 6:30.
I wake and prepare my food. I sit down with the breakfast of the day and click on my full-spectrum light box and my computer. I have 30 minutes. I scan your journals, check the weather, make sure whatever NPR podcasts I subscribed to are updated and on my iPod. The full spectrum hits me. I can faintly see the apple icon through my laptop screen.
The darkness is coming.
Two weeks ago the signs appeared: dull pain in my limbs, tired at 3pm, starchy cravings, and the general unease that I was starting to sweat the little things disproportionally. S.A.D.
I unpacked the light box.
This is how it will be for a while. The light box and the excersize will take the edge off. I'll journal more because I need to, not just because I want to. I'll look back at prior months and wonder about patterns. Sometimes, I'll just cry.
I'm not frustrated about it like I've been in the past...but give me time. We're just starting up again.
But I notice that I don't feel weak, or like my chemestry betrays me, the way I used to. This is just how it is. The extra excersize and lightbox? It's nice to have physical things that off-set the way my body does and doesn't break things down in winter...why fight it or resent it? These things aren't great disrupters of my day. They're just there. To forego them and set my mind to "being vigilant against depression" would be foolish. I know it to be exhausting. I'm not wired like that. My willpower isn't enough. I shouldn't expect it to be.
Don't confuse my "it's the way I am" bit to mean that I'm complacent. I know that I must take on certain resposibilities if I am to keep battles with depression from hurting other people. This means that I do have to be aware, be willing to admit when I'm being out of line, and most of all to give people a heads up about what might be ahead and how to ask me questions if something seems off.
If you've read me for more than a year you know these things. We've got the SAD tag on this lj for a reason. It's all there. This post is minor.
Someday, I'll probably need to go on medication. The idea that at some points in my life the mental self-examinations and physical offsets won't be enough is increasingly real to me.
And so it is.
From Suzycat
Oct. 3rd, 2007 05:28 pmBook Meme under the cut.
These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users (as of today). As usual, bold what you have read, italicise that you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk* to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list.
(I'm not bothering with a to-read list)
( list )
From Suzycat
Oct. 3rd, 2007 05:28 pmBook Meme under the cut.
These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users (as of today). As usual, bold what you have read, italicise that you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk* to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list.
(I'm not bothering with a to-read list)
( list )