Buggirl's Increasingly Strange Tokyo Tales...

It’s show time. Showtime was pretty anti-climatic…but I will try my best to make it worth the read.

 

We’d been waiting on the stairs in front of the Gaijin Ghetto bathrooms (warmest place in the hood) occasionally scaring small children and a meeting some super-skinny Japanese hip-hop dancers (who may have been on Japan’s drug of choice…speed…never understood that) when Ochi came to fetch us. We did a quick foot check (warm but silly socks off, black slippers on) and followed him down the stairs towards the stage area.

 

( Hot house flowers at the funeral...the last part of TBS Japan. )

Well, I know you're all just dying to meet the female cast of my latest adventure... and to see the costumes... and to judge if I really do have a bizzaro silent screen thing going on when I put on a shit-load of make-up...so behind the cut you will find pictures of your favorite gaijin elementary school teacher, #4, Claudia, and the stunning Circus girl. I'm posting them all because I'm never gonna look this much like a silent screen glamour-shot gal again.

( Mr. DeMille, we're ready for our close-ups. )

I’m a little drowsy and I didn’t take notes on Friday. I suspect if I checked the schedule I would learn that we had two long periods of waiting and that I have compressed them into one for simplicity in writing and remembering. Suffice to say that there was a great deal of waiting going on in the cold, cold, Gaijin ghetto. I think the total time spent waiting was 3-4 hours.

( TBS Japan, part 4. )

 

Occasionally, while we waited, young Japanese children would run up, look at us, and run away. I think I made a mother blush when I asked her child, in good Japanese, to please not ogle the gaijin. A few older women also approached me. The good thing about the few people who assume I do not speak Japanese is that they often inadvertently entertain me with a strange language of hand gestures and noises. One old woman thought I looked right sexy and kept grabbing at her own chest and hips to illustrate her point while making noises intended to convey the concept of large, sexy, and/or swelling. After the long wait and the obscenely grunting and miming lady, I was no longer feeling self conscious about my bare belly undulating around on TBS Japan. I had been assimilated in a scene stranger than I had imagined.

 

Show time!

 

There were some problematic aspects in regards to our camera rehearsals.

 

They hearded the Poppy Sprites, wearing tiny black indoor slippers, to the sound stage once more. On the way there ladies stopped us to tell us how sexy and cute we are. I kept using my Japanese catch phrase of “Oh, you MUST be joking!” The large Gaijin were all in one group and we wee ones were in another, colder, huddle. Every once in a while a costume lady would accost me, with no warning, to adjust my ass. This caused me to worry that I had more ass than they had planned for, as if being the dancing white torso wasn’t making me feel a little self conscious. And then they divided us into two pairs and took us behind…the HEAD.

 

( Part Three, TBS. )

At approximately 4:50 AM on Friday the 17th I sat in a messy room trying to remove a sliver of glass which had been imbedded in my heel for a few days. This delicate surgery was performed with an oversized safety pin. I am happy to say that this was not the high point of my day, but neither was it the nadir.

 

( Part One )

More to come….

 

I'm reaaaaaaly tired, so no full update for a few days.

The day started at 4:30 AM, there were some really rough spots at the begining but it came out good and surreal. The show will air on 01/03.

And the costumes? Fucking ugly, on this point each one of us dancers agreed... but we made them work...and no one else involved with the show seemed to think they were ugly and I'm sure they'll look good on tv.

I looked like a silent film star trapped in a horrid costume purchaced in a drunken eBay spree.

Circus girl took photos of us as my battery died (brought new flash card but forgot to bring an extra battery) so I should get those in a few days.

Oh, and American foodies who wish to be able to identify at least one famous person involved with this, you know that mean lil' old lady fortune-teller who was always a judge on Iron Chef whenever they didn't have the mean lil' old lady food critic? The show I was on was HER show.

It is hard for me to know where to begin in regards to our latest meeting with TBS Japan. I must reiterate the belief that gets me through this, a belief that Gaijin #4 seems to take no comfort in, that this is just too fucking surreal to get bent out of shape about.

 

After one hour of class and 40 minutes of watching performances at Cozmos and chatting (seeing the amazingly shiny sequined bikini style dance top our usually conservative 50 something-year-old classmate just purchased, watching some very high energy performances, talking dirty with Yoko who is becoming more crazed in her need to get a decent boyfriend, getting felt up once again by Yoko and realizing how accustomed to the female-female breast touching in Japan I have grown…the usual) it was time for another meeting.

 

( Latest negotiations with TBS Japan )

Tomorrow, I will meet many Japanese stars while watching the filming of this star studded New Year’s special and yet I won’t know enough to make a big fuss over them…except I can identify Mongolia Sumo Pro Asashoryu who will be there as an announced guest. The only TV personalities I really care about are Beat Takeshi, Bob Sapp, and Chairman Kaga… I don’t think they are involved.

 

Stay tuned....same batshit insane country, same batshit insane journal.

I'll update when awake but here's the nutshell, the meeting was two hours long and 31 flavors of fucked up.

Did we see the costumes? No. They aren't finished.
Are we still wearing wigs? No.
Are we still dressed like Cleopatra? Nope, red belly dance outfits with veils hung over our heads as if a god-sized handkerchief was dropped from above.
Am I the gaijin with the most tummy? Yes, but I'll have a goddamned veil over my head so no one will know.
Did we run through the choreography? No. That choreography is now useless based on what we will now be doing.
Will we be stripping the robes and or giant king-tut mask off an Japanese Pop-Idol on tv? Yes!
Is the new gaijin our size? Yes, and twice as professional...she's a circus performer with 8 years of dance experience and thus Japanese tv will be easy for her.
How long did we spend wondering if Gaijin #4 had quit, walking out during MID-MEETING, leaving us mumbling to the TV exes while our teacher's husband tried to figure out what the fuck was up?!?! Aprox 45-60minutes.
Am I still sick? Yup.
How often did I think about the photo and comercial scenes from Lost In Translation while the dirrector explained his vision? Too often.


Bonus: We will be cued to disrobe the Idol by "smoke, or fire, or perhaps bombs" and this IS an accurate description.

No one said it would be easy, they just said we’d be on TV dancing for some idol.

I’m gaijin #1, I’m writing this so I get to be #1, that’s how it works. When we last talked gaijin #2 couldn’t do the show, #3 (with the strongest language skills) was in charge of English/Japanese communications with TBS Japan and #4 was in charge of dance and choreography (and still nowhere to be seen, but we have communicated via emails.)

On Monday the network will choose the one or two songs and #4 will get cracking on the choreography.

#3 has mentioned that she’s not very good at getting her ass out of bed and has invited us to sleep over at her place which is closer to the filming locations where we have to be in costume and make-up by 7:30 (preferable arriving at said location at 6:30) I’m game and will go but #4 can’t and will not be able to make it to the location until 7:00.

We had agreed to do a costume fitting Wednesday night in Shibuya. Now TBS wants to do costumed rehearsal on Wednesday night at a Tokyo location (Akasaka) and is willing to pay cab fare if it runs late past train time (this is no small feat as cab fare for me from Tokyo is well over 100$) and it seems a replacement gaijin has also been hired.

#4, who is in charge, will only do the Shibuya fitting agreed upon instead of doing a fitting and run through at Akasaka. She’s mentioned that if this is a problem and it means she can’t dance, then so be it…but this puts us in a bad place as our teacher, who was very adamant about us being under her control, will no doubt be pissed if the two of us agree to do something that puts #4 in the position of being ousted…So it looks like #3 and I will have to agree to the same things when god knows I fucking want a rehearsal before the camera rehearsal that day.

….and what of the mystery replacement gaijin?