So...yeah

[parasitegirl]

Quick update:

Things I need folks to sometimes poke me on if I don't mention them.

-Getting professional...perhaps medical help...for this round of depression. It hasn't been this bad in 14 years.

-Writing. Tied into the depression has been my unwillingness to write about anything but dance. I need to be writing about my life, the earthquake, the aftermath, and this year. It was my plan to write about it with aim for publishing.

Savvy people will recognize that this is coming up while D is here. Things have been bumpy but not a disaster...but pretty bad as I have had a total depression break upon being with someone I cannot hide my emotions from and who is not a fellow Japan earthquaker with the same mental walls as I have.
He's not unfamiliar with depression and understands this better than i could have asked for.

So does this mean I am moving to Austin next year? Things don't feel as sure as they once did but I think we will both be working toward that goal, more aware of the issues involved with such a move and the fact that neither of us is looking for a 100% monogamous life-mate. This means more talking about things going on in our life, more often, and probably a trip there around Christmas.

Comments

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

First of all, non {{{{{hugs}}}}} hugs.

SEcond, why do you NEED to write about the EQ etc? Is it to help you get through it or because you think you should write something about this important event from your unique perspective? Because both are valid, but don't beat yourself up for not writing about the quake shit right now. It will come. It might not even come how you are planning ... it may turn up in visual art, you may look back now and see that you were working on it all along.

You've been quiet, but it seems to me that you have been keeping yourself going very well, considering. You've been focused hard on teaching and dance. That's something you love and that is good for your mental health, and you've rightly put yourself in a situation that encourages you to work with your body and music more.

Yes, seek additional help. But don't pressure yourself to do stuff that you don't, for whatever reason, want to do right now. Not unless, like dance, it is helping.

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

I just think the EQ and such is important and the year of it provides its own story arc.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

It will come. You don't have to do it right away. You did a lot of writing at the time and hell, the story is still happening. Just make notes.

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, notes alone would be something. I don't intend to share all the aftermath here, as it is personal beyond sometimes...but I need to be taking notes and taking time to write regularly.

[ondineblue.livejournal.com]

This is what I do. I have sudden bursts of *needing* to write but not much of it would I want to share with anyone because it's too intensely personal. Part of my PTSD treatment is to write down even the most random of thoughts and it does help. I need to find more time to write regularly - perhaps we should poke each other?? :)

[mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com]

I will poke you. ::leers::

[eollie.livejournal.com]

I don't think you need to push the writing. It will come when you are ready. It could be that you need a more solid ground to work from. Focusing on dance writing is probably a survival technique that you need right now.

I have found that things you can't deal with always come up later. When you have a moment of stillness, when you are in a safer place, when things are a little boring. In bits and pieces. That has been my experience but I haven't dealt with what you are going through.

A poke with love

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes it's important to remember not to expect too much from yourself. Get help. Remember that you are very loved by many in many different ways. Getting help is not just OK, it's sometimes essential. MOO