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parasitegirlToday's 20 was swift and easy.
I have a desk caddy. In theory I bought it to be the place often-used desk essentials. In reality, it has become stuffed with whatever small items have been been on my desk when I get annoyed and clear space by shoving things into any container within arm's reach.
I looked at it this morning and my Clutter Terminator grids fell into place; little red diagrams showing numbers of total object vs objects used, ergonomic diagrams, the works. The Clutter Terminator in me is in conflict with Rodent Girl. Part of why I set limits on my Clutter Terminator is that I know it's an eternal battle. They're both here to stay. A full war waged is just going to tire me. We might as all find a way to co-habitate...I have better things to do with my time. That's why I have limits and numbers for this 100 days.
Back to the desk caddy....
My general drawing media of choice is pencils. There is a reason for me to have a range of hard and soft lead pencils with my art supplies. From time to time at my desk I just need a "regular" No. 2 or HB. It makes sense to keep a pencil or two in my desk caddy. That being said, I cannot fathom why, when not in front of a piece of paper my height or larger, I would ever need 18 No. 2 /HB pencils at one time... but according to my desk caddy, I'm ready for the occasion!
We're not yet going to speculate why I think I need embriodery patterns of internal organs in my desk caddy...limits, remember?
I brought 16 pencils to today's elementary school and released them into the wild. The rest of the 20 were other supplies I had doubles of. Those went into a school supply pack to keep in the bag I use when visiting school.
And with that I deactivated the Clutter Terminator for the rest often day.
I'd like to reassure people about my anxiety issues. Having found a name for it, and knowing it's a name I am familiar with, has helped. I think it's worth riding out for a while, as im close to my yearly stabilization after winter. My shrink supports me in this ( I'm writing on the train on my way home now) but does with my promise to continue to communicate and to be willing to go back up a dose if it gets worse/ if there is no improvement in the sound distortion in my left ear, or if I seem to be in an anxity-holding pattern.
I'll admit...the onset of anxiety can be exciting but I've gone past my limits enough times to be vigilant. It's not worth it.
At age 22, when I finally hit a low deep enough to acknowledge that I have a problem requiring outside help, I remember calling my mother. I hadn't yet seen a doctor and worried that I might be dealing with manic-depression symptoms...because I knew that my wired-uptick in activity and actions didn't seem "depressed".I didn't understand enough about what a manic state is like. My understanding of "manic" in contrast to someone who has empricial knowledge of the state is similar to the layperson's understanding of depression vs what clinical depression is like from in the inside.
My mother knew/knows herself, and me, well enough to assure me that my issue was/is depression.
That being said, the early stages of my anxiety-related energy/creative/emotion sprees have parallels to the early stages of mania. In my early days of coming to grips with that fact that what I have is not "run-of-the-mill" occasional situational lows I lived with someone who was not yet aware of his own relationship to the manic side of chemical wiring. When I look back on it I can see that some of our closest times, even our happiest times, where when those cycles where in sync at the rush before being overwhelmed in opposite ways. That doesn't make what we had any less real or meaningful, it only exemplifies the ways that such predispositions can, when off balance, make a relationship difficult to maintain.
I'm thankful that in this uptick only my kitchen was affected...and we're both for the better because if it.
And in medical news, I'm happy to have some ambien now, because I really need a full night if sleep.
I have a desk caddy. In theory I bought it to be the place often-used desk essentials. In reality, it has become stuffed with whatever small items have been been on my desk when I get annoyed and clear space by shoving things into any container within arm's reach.
I looked at it this morning and my Clutter Terminator grids fell into place; little red diagrams showing numbers of total object vs objects used, ergonomic diagrams, the works. The Clutter Terminator in me is in conflict with Rodent Girl. Part of why I set limits on my Clutter Terminator is that I know it's an eternal battle. They're both here to stay. A full war waged is just going to tire me. We might as all find a way to co-habitate...I have better things to do with my time. That's why I have limits and numbers for this 100 days.
Back to the desk caddy....
My general drawing media of choice is pencils. There is a reason for me to have a range of hard and soft lead pencils with my art supplies. From time to time at my desk I just need a "regular" No. 2 or HB. It makes sense to keep a pencil or two in my desk caddy. That being said, I cannot fathom why, when not in front of a piece of paper my height or larger, I would ever need 18 No. 2 /HB pencils at one time... but according to my desk caddy, I'm ready for the occasion!
We're not yet going to speculate why I think I need embriodery patterns of internal organs in my desk caddy...limits, remember?
I brought 16 pencils to today's elementary school and released them into the wild. The rest of the 20 were other supplies I had doubles of. Those went into a school supply pack to keep in the bag I use when visiting school.
And with that I deactivated the Clutter Terminator for the rest often day.
I'd like to reassure people about my anxiety issues. Having found a name for it, and knowing it's a name I am familiar with, has helped. I think it's worth riding out for a while, as im close to my yearly stabilization after winter. My shrink supports me in this ( I'm writing on the train on my way home now) but does with my promise to continue to communicate and to be willing to go back up a dose if it gets worse/ if there is no improvement in the sound distortion in my left ear, or if I seem to be in an anxity-holding pattern.
I'll admit...the onset of anxiety can be exciting but I've gone past my limits enough times to be vigilant. It's not worth it.
At age 22, when I finally hit a low deep enough to acknowledge that I have a problem requiring outside help, I remember calling my mother. I hadn't yet seen a doctor and worried that I might be dealing with manic-depression symptoms...because I knew that my wired-uptick in activity and actions didn't seem "depressed".I didn't understand enough about what a manic state is like. My understanding of "manic" in contrast to someone who has empricial knowledge of the state is similar to the layperson's understanding of depression vs what clinical depression is like from in the inside.
My mother knew/knows herself, and me, well enough to assure me that my issue was/is depression.
That being said, the early stages of my anxiety-related energy/creative/emotion sprees have parallels to the early stages of mania. In my early days of coming to grips with that fact that what I have is not "run-of-the-mill" occasional situational lows I lived with someone who was not yet aware of his own relationship to the manic side of chemical wiring. When I look back on it I can see that some of our closest times, even our happiest times, where when those cycles where in sync at the rush before being overwhelmed in opposite ways. That doesn't make what we had any less real or meaningful, it only exemplifies the ways that such predispositions can, when off balance, make a relationship difficult to maintain.
I'm thankful that in this uptick only my kitchen was affected...and we're both for the better because if it.
And in medical news, I'm happy to have some ambien now, because I really need a full night if sleep.
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no subject
Date: 2013-02-13 12:06 pm (UTC)