The Teacher Has No Pants
Jun. 23rd, 2007 01:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
parasitegirlI had one of those bad-dream you're not wearing any pants moments during a class today.
To set the scene:
I'm still on the fence about if my depression is manageable without drugs. I'm feeling the adrenaline rush too quickly and the temptation to cry too sharply to be at total ease. I'm a little volatile. I am at school on a Saturday for a special day where parents to come watch classes and have parent teacher talks. I am doing a particularly showy lesson with two 4th grade classes involving the whole class "bowling" in the gym with plastic bottles, basketballs, and score sheets. It's a special sort of show-off day.
Last night I canceled hot yoga because The Puppy was free and wanted to take me to a late show of POTC3. This involved a calculated risk, I would be sacrificing two things that keep my depression in check (yoga and a good bedtime when I can get it) for something that I would enjoy (summer blockbuster, Mr. Depp, The Puppy, The Puppy singing along to Jolene by Dolly Parton in the car) but might leave me tired and vulnerable the next day. The fourth grade teachers did bowling class prep on Friday while I was at the On Paper school.
Saturday, third period rolled around. I went to the gym. About 20 parents were there. Takai sensei and I started to teach. I did the greeting and lead an a cappela song of The Days Of The Week. He did the number warm up. I started the "Remember how we bowl and keep score in English"
demonstration/recap prior to everybody bowl time and....no pants.
I opened up the score sheet for the demonstration. It was a score sheet I had NEVER seen before. Instead of each member writing their name on the left side of the sheet and each bowling five frames it was now a sheet where the team writes their number on the left, each player bowls a different frame, and the score is totalled up for a total score each game. This was not the score sheet we used last week when we did the build-up class.
This score sheet floored me. It changed the way we'd have to continue. I froze. I turned to the whiteboard and started muttering bad words to myself. I needed to figure out how to modify the next 25 minutes of the lesson. In an English class like mine I can't just explain only in English
words (or in Japanese) I need to figure out how to communicate the change, how to demonstrate it so it is understood. I need to make-up the rest of the class. All my mental planning and the rest of the lesson plan went out the window.
It turns out that the fourth grade the teachers thought the previous plan would take too much time, so they got advise from another teacher on Friday and changed the score system...and forgot to tell me...and because the changes would not affect their speaking parts, they didn't think through how it would change the lesson plan. They both thought that someone had told me.
I'm pretty sure I had the crazy look while I ran around changing things and giving commands. I didn't have time to think, Takai sensei didn't have the English skills to support me with the changes or give me time to think. As soon as it was over I would have 5 minutes before the second class came in...no time to change score sheets.
Takai Sensei pretty much ran out of the class as soon as it was dismissed.
Between classes I stormed through the halls looking for the next teacher. I may have looked like I was going to kill someone, this is a possibility. Adrenaline levels VERY high. Fight or flight instincts on CODE RED. I needed to know what scores sheets SHE was going to use. I found her, pulled her aside, and got the story on the change. I explained that I was veeeeeeery angry and confused because I had no warning and no back-up.
I know that for the first 15 minutes of class she was afraid that I might smile, gesture that it was her turn, and let her falter on a section she wasn't prepared to do. I didn't. I would never do that. My eyes probably said I was capable of anything. When she did the number warm up I had time to figure out how to iron out the changes I'd made 3rd period and do a bang-up class that parents would feel all warm and fuzzy about...and my chest unclenched. It was the first 5 minutes that I really had where I didn't need to be on and in front of everyone. The rest of the class went very smoothly.
After class I walked back to the teacher's room. I ran into my 3rd grade twin in the hall. He was hiding in a nook, so I tickled him, told him to get to class and we had the following Japanese conversation:
Twin: Long time no see!
Me: Yeah, long time.
Twin (reaches out and touches my navel ring through my shirt): You still
angry?
Me: You saw my angry face in the hall?
Twin: Yeah.
Me: No, I'm ok now.
Twin: Do you still have the milk-cap name tag I made you?
Me: Yup, it's still in my name-card.
Twin: Good!
(and he turned to run off to lunch)
Hard to stay in fight or flight mode after quality twin time.
To set the scene:
I'm still on the fence about if my depression is manageable without drugs. I'm feeling the adrenaline rush too quickly and the temptation to cry too sharply to be at total ease. I'm a little volatile. I am at school on a Saturday for a special day where parents to come watch classes and have parent teacher talks. I am doing a particularly showy lesson with two 4th grade classes involving the whole class "bowling" in the gym with plastic bottles, basketballs, and score sheets. It's a special sort of show-off day.
Last night I canceled hot yoga because The Puppy was free and wanted to take me to a late show of POTC3. This involved a calculated risk, I would be sacrificing two things that keep my depression in check (yoga and a good bedtime when I can get it) for something that I would enjoy (summer blockbuster, Mr. Depp, The Puppy, The Puppy singing along to Jolene by Dolly Parton in the car) but might leave me tired and vulnerable the next day. The fourth grade teachers did bowling class prep on Friday while I was at the On Paper school.
Saturday, third period rolled around. I went to the gym. About 20 parents were there. Takai sensei and I started to teach. I did the greeting and lead an a cappela song of The Days Of The Week. He did the number warm up. I started the "Remember how we bowl and keep score in English"
demonstration/recap prior to everybody bowl time and....no pants.
I opened up the score sheet for the demonstration. It was a score sheet I had NEVER seen before. Instead of each member writing their name on the left side of the sheet and each bowling five frames it was now a sheet where the team writes their number on the left, each player bowls a different frame, and the score is totalled up for a total score each game. This was not the score sheet we used last week when we did the build-up class.
This score sheet floored me. It changed the way we'd have to continue. I froze. I turned to the whiteboard and started muttering bad words to myself. I needed to figure out how to modify the next 25 minutes of the lesson. In an English class like mine I can't just explain only in English
words (or in Japanese) I need to figure out how to communicate the change, how to demonstrate it so it is understood. I need to make-up the rest of the class. All my mental planning and the rest of the lesson plan went out the window.
It turns out that the fourth grade the teachers thought the previous plan would take too much time, so they got advise from another teacher on Friday and changed the score system...and forgot to tell me...and because the changes would not affect their speaking parts, they didn't think through how it would change the lesson plan. They both thought that someone had told me.
I'm pretty sure I had the crazy look while I ran around changing things and giving commands. I didn't have time to think, Takai sensei didn't have the English skills to support me with the changes or give me time to think. As soon as it was over I would have 5 minutes before the second class came in...no time to change score sheets.
Takai Sensei pretty much ran out of the class as soon as it was dismissed.
Between classes I stormed through the halls looking for the next teacher. I may have looked like I was going to kill someone, this is a possibility. Adrenaline levels VERY high. Fight or flight instincts on CODE RED. I needed to know what scores sheets SHE was going to use. I found her, pulled her aside, and got the story on the change. I explained that I was veeeeeeery angry and confused because I had no warning and no back-up.
I know that for the first 15 minutes of class she was afraid that I might smile, gesture that it was her turn, and let her falter on a section she wasn't prepared to do. I didn't. I would never do that. My eyes probably said I was capable of anything. When she did the number warm up I had time to figure out how to iron out the changes I'd made 3rd period and do a bang-up class that parents would feel all warm and fuzzy about...and my chest unclenched. It was the first 5 minutes that I really had where I didn't need to be on and in front of everyone. The rest of the class went very smoothly.
After class I walked back to the teacher's room. I ran into my 3rd grade twin in the hall. He was hiding in a nook, so I tickled him, told him to get to class and we had the following Japanese conversation:
Twin: Long time no see!
Me: Yeah, long time.
Twin (reaches out and touches my navel ring through my shirt): You still
angry?
Me: You saw my angry face in the hall?
Twin: Yeah.
Me: No, I'm ok now.
Twin: Do you still have the milk-cap name tag I made you?
Me: Yup, it's still in my name-card.
Twin: Good!
(and he turned to run off to lunch)
Hard to stay in fight or flight mode after quality twin time.
