parasitegirl | I am an American, so I must be ready to discuss oral sex with you!

I got to use my trustworthy “I can’t believe you just asked that/ said that” this weekend.

While waiting for Zumba class I say down with the powerful older ladies of Zumba. With them was a bi-lingual Japanese girl, sweaty for her workout. I don’t know if I have ever met her, but she took a familiar tone with me in light of the fact that she speaks English…and perhaps because, you know, Americans talk about everything.

The topic turned to piercings because my abs were exposed. I can’t wear tanktops because I can’t show my tattoo, so I keep cool however I can. I answered questions about mine to all who had them. Then this girl turned to me, and said, in English, about the tongue piercing. “I bet your boyfriend just loves that.”

And I looked at her, and just kept looking at her until she got a little squirmy, and then smiled broadly and said “I can’t believe you just said that!”

I was treated to some stammering overshare about how her husband wants her to get one because, you know… “Yes, but you don’t ask strangers about their sex lives, do you? I am pretty sure that’s not culturally ok!” I giggled.

“I think dirty things sometimes…”

“Me too, but I know, as an adult, I can’t share those things with someone I’ve just met!”

She scurried off shortly after that. I have a dirty mind and all, but your ability to speak English and relate to foreigners doesn't mean I want to be talking about oral sex with you.