Don’t be a thing of beauty. Be your beautiful self.

[parasitegirl]

When I get images back from a photo session it’s time to apply the critical eye… and sometimes bust out the Photoshop. This might not apply to those of you working with photographers who are editing everything before you even see it, or whose images you are contractually obligated not to tamper with, but it applies to many if not most of us.

I don’t use Photoshop for massive changes, but I will replace a cropped foot, remove strands of hair from my mouth, smooth the lines and bulges caused by keeping my bra tight enough for performances. I will also fix necklaces that have flipped, that sort of thing. I want to still look like my but I also want to like what I see. I’m human. We’re all a little terrified of our visual truth. I’m ok with how different I look out of make-up, with my fellow dancers not recognizing me in workshops, but if I show up for a job I should look like the woman they thought they hired. I want to remain real enough in my shots. I want the me in my photos to have skin that has the texture of skin. I don’t want to be shinned and blurred to a plastic finish. I don’t want someone to look at my photo and wonder what is real.

Still, there’s a point in the pixel clicking and the checking and double checking that I just need to get some of the Demons of Photoshop out of my system. You know the Demons. They are of the same evil miasma that hangs out in old sci-fi movies where someone must eventually wring their hands and say, “My God, man! Just because science CAN do it…” It’s then that I must take a break, save what I have, open a different image, and act out. That is when I abuse the liquefy distortion tool until I am the woman my mother worried I’d want to be when she bought me my first Barbie. That is when I am suddenly dancing on the moon, in an old Orientalist painting, through the looking glass, and on a horse with the man my man could smell like. Color Saturation? Hellloooo Sexy Krishna, would you like some more arms? More arms to hold Don Draper? There you go!  

 

My friend Khalida reached this point recently. She took a break, clicked clicked clicked, and was a SHINY MERMAID! She shared with the rest of the class, as I do when I reach that point. I wanted in on the action. I sent her a photo from last year in which I was caught mid-glare. It was an outtake that captured a facet of my personality, but the fact that I am a teacher who can give you a withering look isn’t going to help promote me. An hour later I was the Angriest Mermaid. Other on-line friends joked about how I should post the image on my costume blog and write a bit about the perils of photoshop. I quickly typed back to them:

 “Of course one of the advantages to studio shots is the fact that in them you really could be anywhere. The images provide you with a great deal of flexibility in creating marketing materials that allow you desired customer to easily imagine YOU in the environment, party, location or event that THEY are creating.

The moment you start working on-location, where you are risks becoming more important than who you are. This goes double when you alter images to create a full-on fantasy image. You may desire to be an Aztec goddess or to dance in a papayrus scroll, but when you build an image around that you reduce their ability to imagine you at their event.

They want a dancer, not a mother-fucking mermaid. A mermaid is well and good in the ocean, but at an upscale event it’s either invest in an above floor tank or risk her flopping all over the floor, gasping for breath.” 

I also commented that this was all I could dig out of my bullshit generator at one quick sitting. Another friend typed back:

“Except that it isn't. Bullshit, I mean. You take out the mother-fucking and you could post that on Ozma's Costumes and most people would be thinking, "Yup that makes total sense".

Like I’d take out the mother-fucking. At the end of the day there is only so much fantasy I can weave about myself…and me not swearing is like me blurring my pores. Ain’t me. I am no pagent child nor am I without a filthy tongue when I write. I wrote back to Khalida and asked if she could make me into an angry dragon, so I could avoid possible conflict with any mermaid-dancers out there. I figured it was probably a common fantasy image and if I came off as slagging the undersea gals I’d probably have to tell a few to relax, this blog isn’t about them.

Having sent my email to Khalida, I got to thinking about the mixed feelings I have about shoots designed to look like editorial fashion spreads and some of the hesitation I feel about outdoor dance shoots.

My notable weak point in photoshoots is posing for the camera. I can’t start cold. I can’t pose in silence. I get self-conscious. I don’t know why a camera would want me. I feel watched. I’m not a model. I need music and I need to move. Music serves as my movement and emotional motivator. I make photoshoot soundtracks of music that complement the moods, poses, and emotional range I want to be able to hit in a shoot. I move and perform and turn the camera into my audience. I can take direction and I often need it when it gets into the slow shots…but I will also ask if I can change tracks to get to the song that I think will help me give the camera/audience what they are asking for.

I’m not a model. I’m sure I am not alone in my insecurities. I’m sure many of you, when faced with a shoot, worry that you aren’t a model. The specter of being in front of a camera brings out so many fears: I’m not delicately pretty, I’m going to cringe when I see these, I’m full of myself if I think I’m worthy of a shoot.

I’m not a model. Most of us are not models. Very few of us look like the women who are selling us things. Even those women rarely look like themselves after the make-up, lighting, and very-professional digital alteration. Cindy Crawford once famously said, “Even I don't look like Cindy Crawford in the morning.” We’re dancers, not models. I think we need to embrace this difference when we promote ourselves, when we do a shoot. We’re not models and we shouldn’t want to be when it comes to our dance image.

To grossly simplify it, a model’s job is to sell something else; clothing, make-up, perfume, ideas, editorial moods. Most fashion shoots don’t give us a sense of a model’s personality or depth. We might want to look like her but we probably have no idea who she is as a person…nor do we care. Even in less commercial/more artistic work, the model is but one of the tools for the artist to express his/her vision.

I don’t want to be a tool. I don’t want to be the thing that makes you want something else. I want you to want me. I want you to want to experience the music through my specific filter. I don’t want my complexity reduced to my exterior appearance. I don’t want to think I’ve been hired just because of my looks, although I know they are part of why I get hired. I don’t want this because I know how people treat dancers they see as objects. I’ve been assaulted on the job before by someone I know didn’t see me as human. I’m not saying that media representations of women as objects are directly responsible for that…but they can’t really help. Fashion model images aren’t going to lay the path of how I want to market myself. I don’t I don’t want people to think of me, or other dancers, or other women as “things” of beauty.

I want to be hired because a client, prospective student, venue, band sees some of my personality, gets a hint of my unique mix of movement and self, and wants to be a part of that. I know my looks play into if I get hired (I know the preferential treatment my looks get me, trust me, I am appreciative of it and conflicted about it) but my looks aren’t the only aspect of me.

It’s not like I can afford to lie about what I look like because they are going to see me when I show up to perform, filterless. Being honest about what you look like (well, in full performance gear and make-up) might lose you some gigs, but if they just want a certain outside look for a dancer they are probably gigs that you can emotionally afford to lose. Being honest about what you look like may change the kind of gigs you get hired for, but exploring what it is that makes you a beautiful, unique dancer may also help you better figure out what sort of client and gigs to market yourself for. Who is going to appreciate what you do and who you are? I also know right now I fall near many cultural and media-driven images of beauty…but I’m going to age and my body is going to change and if I want to continue to work as a dancer I have to be prepared to be comfortable in the skin I’m in when that happens and be willing to make some changes about where and why I perform or I’m going to risk emotional, and perhaps physical, health in battling it.

You’re not a model, but you need photos because dancers who are looking to go pro need photos. Period. Part of being pro is marketing yourself. You’re not selling something else. You’re selling the experience of you. Why you? What style of dancer are you? What personality are you bringing to the game? What’s your unique edge? What sort of range in emotion/mood/specialties are in your wheelhouse? What will SELL you? The belly dancer, in contrast to the model, needs images to serve as tools that help express who THAT dancer is/how she wants to be seen. Our dance is traditionally a solo-improvisational dance, we’re not are usually not working for a director or choreographer who needs us to be maliable and inhabit a role. Our solo-improvisational style means that everything gets filtered through our specific pasts, personalities, experiences, and outlooks…and that is what we have to show.

This is why I personally need to think of the camera as my audience. I need to show my photographers what I show my audiences and hope that they capture some of it. I personally need my photographer to see me perform a bit, to get a glimpse of what my average audience will see for that costume and that music. I need to capture that and to do that I need my photographer to understand who I am as a performer. Much of the preparation I do for a shoot is about what I think I want to convey about myself and the dance. I look at my costumes think about the moods, dance styles/genres, and range of emotion those costumes can best show. I figure out what sort of make-up and props will also bring that out. Then I raid my music and start finding the music that brings that sort of performance…then I practice a while…editing out moves that I wouldn’t want frozen in time….goodbye bellyrolls!

I need to show up at a shoot knowing who I am as a dancer.

That is not to say I should be completely selfish. It can’t be all about me because of the photographers I work with. Most of my shoots are with the Harajuku collective of photographers where we are collaborating together. I prefer to work in a collaborative environment. I need to be willing to take direction to let people I am working with try things that interest them. After I have shown them who I am, I have to trust them to be able to take that in a direction where both of our interests are being fulfilled. They might not fully understand bellydance, but they are artists and humans who understand emotions. They need room to react to what I have shown them and run with it. Like an audience, what I want to show might not be what they personally get and feel from me. Because of this, a good photographer can be in a unique position to bring out an aspect of my dance, beauty, and personality that I am unaware of but that are part of what I bring when I perform.

I think a good relationship with your photographer and a very clear vision of what you want to show of yourself is essential when it comes to an outdoor photoshoot. Now, I’m actually getting into territory I will admit to not having personal experience with. I am basing this on my reactions to many outdoor shots I have seen.

Going outdoors gets tricky. As I said before, the moment you start working on-location, where you are risks becoming more important than who you are. You need to be showing who YOU are if you plan to use the photos to promote yourself. Also, the outdoors isn’t a natural place for a bellydancer in full costume to be. Just like photoshopping yourself into a fantasy creature in another land is going to make it harder for a client to imagine you at their event, standing on top of a mountain may get in the way of an owner seeing you in an earthly restaurant or an organizer imagining you at a corporate event.

If you are looking to collaborate with a photographer for non-promotional artistic exploration, no worries…artistic explorations or model-style shoots can be a fine addition to your gallery if you want to do more artistic work with photographers or work as a model in addition to dancing, but they shouldn’t be all you have if your main focus is working as a dancer. I have shots I love that I can never use for promo but I am glad we did. I’m thinking of a shoot from last year where my photographers slowed down the shutter speeds and I held very static poses while a veil whipped around under the force of a wind machine creating an amazing blur. They look awesome. I’m a crazy statue of victory. I’ll probably be putting them in a gallery of artistic collaboration work when I get a site. Those shots may lead to more photography explorations, but they probably aren’t gonna get me a dance gig.

If you plan to use outdoor shots for promoting yourself as a dancer I think one thing is key: make sure your personality is evident. I think sometimes a photographer can get really good shots that aren't dance related that really capture the emotional range or mood of a dancer.

I’m gonna turn your direction over to Eshe’s gallery to show you a bit about what I’m thinking. Sorry hon, hope you don’t mind. http://eshebellydancer.homestead.com/gallery.html I love her outdoor shoot, with photographer Stephanie Bell, in the woods. I love it because the outdoors doesn’t overwhelm her personality. In the first shot she looks thoughtful and in the second she looks like a whole lot of fun. Her costume is also in hues that works with the surroundings and is simple enough that it doesn’t fight the foliage. She doesn’t look like a blank slate.

In contrast, I think her outdoor shoot, with Junhgo Nam, on the rocks illustrates the sort of image that falls in the category of artistic exploration and experimentation for me. I think the outdoors overwhelms her personality and the contrast of her costume against the rocks heightens the unreality of the situation. I can appreciate how Nam, who has collaborated often with Eshe, is exploring that contrast and is playing with organic shapes. I would never make this the single image on a page to promote a dancer or the only type of photo in a gallery. I think it works in this gallery because Eshe does have a collaborative photography relationship with Nam, as well as with other photographers, and by placing these images in her gallery she shows an appreciation of such collaborations and her interest in doing more. Those images don’t promote her as a unique individual dancer so much as they promote her interest and experience collaborating with photographers and other artists.

I don’t have much practical advice about doing an outdoor shoot, not having first hand experience outside of art school non-dance shoots. Much of what I would suggest are along the lines of what I suggest for any indoor shoot…thinking about what you want to show about yourself and bring a portable music source…but pay more attention to thinking about how much you want your costume to be in harmony with your surroundings or if you want to play with being in deliberate juxtaposition.

I do actually wish to do some out-of-studio shoots some time…but I am afraid what I really want to do is not about nature in the least bit, won’t work for promotional purposes, but is firmly about me as an artist/dancer…and the juxtaposition we all juggle if we perform as professionals.

If you’re on my FB “friends” list you already that I love documenting “the life” of dancing: the stuff before and after. In addition to blogging shoots and documenting my costumes, I’m always shooting the trains I ride to get to and from my gigs, the window-reflected shots of myself, in full make-up and holding the hand-straps on the train, backstage shots and my various “toilets of Tokyo” pre-gig photos. While I wouldn't put the train, toilet, rehearsal, backstage shots on any formal website for promoting myself to the GP I do share them with friends. I don't think any dancer or friend or member of the public thinks any less of me when they see those things. No one is thinking "she has demystified the dance..." because I'm not trying to be a dancer with some otherworldly aura that is going to get bruised if you know I change in toilets and take trains. I’m not gonna hang out without a cover-up or sit and chow down a meal, that is a letdown after you’ve just seen someone dance, but I’m not going to obscure what it is I do to dance.

I think a certain amount of documenting "the life" is needed, just to help get the point across that dance is also a job, a lot of work. I love it when the curtain is pulled aside and we get to show a bit of the workings. I love that people sometimes get to see glimpses of us in the line of duty.  There’s those lovely shots of Samia Gamal sitting with her feet up or the one where she's smoking smoking. Her soles are BLACK from the floor. I love it because I know that she might have filthy feet, be human, and need a smoke break, but that before and after the shot she’ll be the amazing Samia. In Aziza’s gallery I also really enjoy that shot of Aziza flexing. It’s not a candid shot but it’s also not a “dancerly” shot....it's a laughing, showy, "Yeah, what I do is some MIGHTY TOUGH STUFF. I am POWERFUL" right next to all those shots of her looking her glam, soft, graceful, lovely dance-self.

Samia's filthy feet:

http://www.life.com/image/50529780

Aziza (It's on the second page of the Aziza gallery):

http://www.azizashimmy.com/gallery.php

My ability to perform isn’t diminished by getting changed in those cramped closets and toilets. I hope my performances are all the more impressive because I still give it my all after I’ve been shoved in filthy, dirty places, have stood in crowded trains, and have wheeled my luggage through the streets.

I know, I know deep down, that the out-of-studio shots I long to do are absurd (and reflect perfectly just who and what I am for that reason). They are about the juxtaposition of stage and the life.

I want to be in full dance-costume riding a train holding on to the hand strap, in costume wheeling my luggage down a back-street in Tokyo, in a convini with a jacket tosed over my bling getting a sports drink and some nuts to hold me over. It’s not real. I don’t travel in full costume, but I will one day find a way to shoot it because it will show some of my reality. I’m many things, but I’m not a dragon or a mermaid or an elf or a harem girl or anything but who I am.

Base image from the dragon comes from here: http://linzee777.deviantart.com/

She also has a page of photoshop add-ins if you DO want a mermaid tail.